Just before I left the office I looked out the window. It was cloudy, the sun was setting... it seemed so serene. It FELT so serene...
Yesterday I got the best compliment from HA ;) Dah lama takde orang give such compliments, so flattering... walaupun it is not about the present, haha. Tak apa lah... at least I know that it was *good* once upon a time...
For a few days I've observed people mencari rezeki... actually bukannya observe, more of noticed...
The first one was a couple on a motorcycle, the husband (I assume) sat on the bike while the wife collected empty plastic bottle and put it in a big plastic bag. It was near my house... the night before ada pasar malam and the rubbish belum clear. Dalam kesemakan sampah sarap tu, ada rezeki... untuk mereka yang pandai mencari. It wasn't some canggih bottle, just the normal one yg jual mineral water tu. Their bag was almost full...
This morning, it was an elderly man... also rummaging through discarded items. I can't recall what it was that he was collecting, but the thing that touched me was that he was in his golden years and had a sad look on his face.
Tadi on the way to tarawikh, I passed a visually disabled man, standing di tepi jalan with his tongkat, stool and a plastic basket... just waiting. I had noticed him at the pasar ramadan a few weeks back... dia peminta sedekah. Cuma this time, the sight of him made me realise how lucky I am. It had rained this afternoon... if he was there at the pasar, he would have been soaked. Tonight when I saw him, he was standing, waiting, head bent... all alone. In these final days of Ramadan I wonder... Did he have a proper meal for berbuka? Where is his family? How will he celebrate Aidil Fitri? I wonder, berapakah agaknya rezeki dia hari ni...
Late this evening I received news that someone might be getting an opportunity untuk menambah rezeki. The first thing that crossed my mind when I received the news was a rather selfish thought about how that change will adversely affect my responsibilities. Why couldn't I have immediately felt joy and happiness for this person? It was not until someone mentioned "that's good for him" that I realised that this is actually a good thing. It is an opportunity which is not dissimlar to one that I had previously been recipient and benefited from. But selfish me was thinking about myself before others. Only upon further reflection did I recognise that this is actually for the greater good... for him, for his family, for the organisation. I am happy for this person... but at the same time I am unhappy with myself for the way I had felt...
As I'm sitting on my bed, typing this, in the comfort of a cool room... I realise that I don't say alhamdulillah often enough, tak selalu mengucapkan atau merasa syukur dengan apa yang telah Dia berikan. I haven't done enough for my parents... the things that a responsible child would do out of love and responsibility. I've taken a lot of things for granted. I hope and pray that I have enough time untuk membalas jasa for all the sacrifices and unquestioned unconditional love that they have bestowed upon me...
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