stepping forward...

Sat down with a tall glass of nescafe ais, turned on the TV... My Best Friend's Wedding was on air, the final 30 minutes more or less. I love that movie... one of my all time favourites. It's funny, romantic, entertaining and unlike the usual romantic comedies, it is not some sentimental mush where "the girl ends up getting the guy" or vice versa. It's more real because let's face it, life isn't simple.

I can relate to Jules in soooooo many ways. The scene where she and Michael went on a boat cruise is one...

Michael: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...
Jules: Passes you by...
Michael: Passes you by...

The boat passes under a bridge, gets into the shade, tension in the air... the possibility of something happening, and just as sudden they're back in the sun... the moment's lost.

I remember how those three simple lines hit me to the core the first time I saw the movie. It still does, everytime I watch it... That's the story of my life. Too late to act, missed opportunities (note the plural...)
I've always held back... afraid to take the big step. Being risk-averse, I dare not make the move. What if the feelings are not reciprocated? What will happen to our current relationship? Those fears avert me from taking the chance.

Have been wondering a lot about matters of the heart of late. As the saying goes... better to have loved and lost it, then not to love at all. Even the Bursa Malaysia's "what if" advertisements seem to mock me these days.
Am I ready to open up my heart? Why am I so scared to let go?
The first time I did, I got burnt... BAD! Although that was almost 14 years ago, the scar remains. I no longer trust my instincts... am wary of such intimacy and the possibility of another heartbreak.

I pray for strength to take that step... and just in case things don't work out, to have the strength to take it in stride.