rekindling old friendships

It has been a loooooog day. Got into office around 8am and didn't leave until 9pm. That's the sad fact of my life nowadays. Where got time to socialise and "what" work-life balance? Nonetheless, I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity that was entrusted upon me. Cuma penat lah... Tomorrow is going to be the same... and lusa, and tulat... until the weekend. Opps lupa... lusa puasa. So sure boleh balik awal (by my standards lah)

Despite the hectic day, had time to go out for lunch with some good friends. Most of whom I've not had a decent conversation with in a loooong time. They used to be my lunch buddies, but since I took on this new post, my lunchtime social activities have gone haywire. That will be remedied! Definitely.. after Ramadan. Actually, am gonna start visiting them during lunch time this next few weeks.. several reasons. One is of course to merapatkan silaturrahim and the other being to seek their more in depth feedback based on the recent 360 evaluation (more of that some other time).

Last night I sms-ed an old friend, whom I last contacted almost exactly one year ago. Our annual ritual... calling each other masa dekat nak Raya. That's one of the beauties of Syawal... contacting long lost friend to wish them Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.

Dumbo is a good friend from my time in Melbourne. He makes a wicked mee goreng... really sedap I tell you! Always willing to lend an ear and listen to my menceceh. We continued to call each other every month for a long chat lepas balik Malaysia... and that went on for several years. Talking about nothing and everything... just like any good friends would. Until about 3 years ago... then the calls became less frequent. I have to admit that I am mostly at fault sbb usually it's not me who picks up the phone to make the call. Work has been the main factor. Tapi whenever he calls, I would gladly spend the hour talking to him... walaupun ada deadline looming.

I tak perasan at first, then the fact hit me about 4-5 months down the road. Had something happened to Dumbo? Did I do something wrong? I made the call but somehow, he was a bit distant. At first I thought that he might have been occupied or had something on his mind. Then days weeks months passed, and I did not get my usual calls from him. My sms went unanswered... until it was Syawal. With him sending me a Raya wish.

I really missed talking to Dumbo. I thought hard about the last conversation we had, before the "ice age"... then it hit me. It could have been something that he had asked during that particular conversation and my response to it. Being the blur person that I am, it didn't register... not then and not even several months later. I recall not actually wanting to give him the answer but he really persuaded me to tell him, which I did... thinking that what the heck, since it was ages ago, why not. No harm telling a secret which I've only shared with three of my girlfriends. I did not expect the outcome... definitely could not foresee the possibility. Heck.. I had even teased him on the matter many times before and we were still friendly as two peas in a pod. His behaviour and demeanor leading to "the" conversation had not indicated that anything had changed... well, at least not to my blur mind lah. Thinking back... I should have been more sensitive and "aware". But what to do, moi is extremely blur when it comes to things like this...

Anyway... back to the present. I sms-ed him last night and he called this afternoon. How nice to hear his voice :-) That soothing, gentle voice. Unfortunately I was in the midst of a discussion. Something that I couldn't get out of. Terkilan... but what to do. So could not chat with him. Will call him later tonight or perhaps tomorrow. It's a conversation which is long overdue. Should I ask him about what had happened between us? I don't know... maybe not, don't want to further jeopardise whatever we have. But then again, I want him to know that I enjoy his frequent calls and our ntah apa2 conversation. I should tell him that. Hopefully things will return to the way it used to be... or at least to something close to that.

Friendships are really important to me. Especially dgn those that I have strong bonds with. Acquaintances ramai but real friends... those are a precious few. Being single, my friends are my companions. Family aside, they're the ones that form my support system. Without them, I'd be lost. They've offered me shoulders to cry on, my consultant (bukan con-sultant aaaa), ppl yg I can exchange views with openly and honestly, partner to laugh and do silly things with... just thinking of them make me smile :-)

I've been blessed with wonderful friends... some yg the bond did not develop until much later despite knowing each other for quite a while. You know who you are.. and darlings, I deeply cherish you. There are those yg although dah berbulan or even years tak jumpa or talk to, we'd immediately click and as if no time had passed. Although nowadays whenever I call them out of the blue, their first question would be "you ada apa-apa ke? nak hantar kad ke??". Aiyaa... kawan2, this damsel is in need of some major help when it comes to that department. As I mentioned in the beginning.. I have no social life whatsoever. Apatah lagi benda2 yg sebegitu. Not for lack of want, but no one seems to be interested. Takkan lah I nak terhegeh-hegeh... My omnipresent blurness doesn't help either even if (kalaulah) ada yg feel otherwise. Aiyoo... this is not good, not good... What's the remedy? I pun tak tahu...

Anyway.. tomorrow is the birthday of one of my favourite persons. I should make this person know that. Not a problem.. it's written in the card, haha... Meanwhile, it's time to make the call and have a chat with Dumbo :-)