1 ramadan

It was a busy busy day... sampai terlupa that hari ni puasa! no... i did not "termakan" or "terminum". Totally out of my mind until NN said "selamat berbuka" at around 6pm, then it hit me... KENA BALIK RUMAH!! Of course, the traffic couldn't be worse... thing I hate most during Ramadan is the massive traffic jam. Today was really bad... from keluar office all the way home - bumper to bumper. Doesn't help that I only had about 4 hrs of sleep last night... mengantuk nya!! As predicted semalam... sampai rumah, mandi, turun, azan. I was so zoned-out that I did not realise that my City is back. Only perasan when Mama mentioned it masa nak get ready nak solat maghrib...

Esok nak naik kereta you ke kereta Ina?
Huh??
Tadi masuk tak perasan ke kereta you kat depan?
Duh....

See... I told you I'm blur...

The first day of Ramadan is always exciting... energy still high, dark circles belum permanent ;)
But 2 Ramadans ago, the first day was "exciting" in a different kind of way. Was admitted for pneumonia. Masa tu dah about a week high fever, bad cough... the worst I've ever felt. Mula2 takut it was dengue, tapi when x-ray baru tahu it was pneumonia. Went to Emergency to be admitted, got a shot on my butt, and the fever began to subside. Hospitalised for a week and recuperation at home for another two.
Masa kat hospital, hari2 kena drip 5 bottles of antibiotics and other ubat, nebuliser & menthol steam pagi and petang... even my pee started to smell like ubat. According to Dr Kamil, the antibiotics that they had me on was very strong. Yup... it hurts a bit when the drip masuk. I tak ingat nama.. just that it was yellow in colour and it would masuk very slowly.. up to 2 hours to habiskan one bottle. Had to "tebuk lubang" twice sbb my veins dah bengkak.
X-ray twice and once MRI... rasa mcm lab rat. My doc said that 3/4 of both lungs were completely wet. He presented my case to their weekly meeting as a case study... sbb he said it was an intriguing case and was not sure of the cause. Jadi "rat in a glass box" lah time tu. Tapi despite all the diagnosis, believe it or not masa kat hospital I was already feeling better on the way towards recovery. No more fever... just wet lungs. So ppl yg visit semua kata "nampak ok je?"... yaaa, you ppl didn't see me masa I kat rumah. Not a lovely sight I tell you...
Mymot came to visit that night... I cried tersebak2. The reason? I've never felt so helpless in my life, and was saddened because I was missing all the things that comes with Ramadan. That was when it hit me how precious Ramadan is... what a blessed month we've been bestowed with. All this while selalu take Ramadan for granted... but when the month comes, but you are incapable of doing even benda2 yg simple, terasalah betapa lemah nya hamba ini. It was a good "reminder" and despite the circumstances, I am grateful that I was given the chance to "learn".

So... how was this year's 1 Ramadan? Compared to 2 years ago, it was bloody brilliant ;)

During lunchtime had a good chat with ARG & NSY... actuallynya jumpa ARG, then NSY datang. So terus boleh dpt direct feedback from both of them. ARG seperti biasa, in his diplomatic nice-guy way... NSY with her frankness and solid advice. I'm so lucky to have had them both as bosses. Sangat bagus listening to highly accomplished and respected ppl ni...

One of their feedback was that I'm transparent as glass when it comes to my mood and how I'm feeling at any point of time. Ye ke? I admit that sometimes mmg deliberately behave in a certain way so that I can be "excused" from things... hehe. And if I tgh dislike someone or something, I will make it obvious. The person would know that I am displeased...
Tapi when ARG kata "just like when kita nampak XXX tgh mood kureng, kan kita stay away from dia"... oops, no wonder lah I've been getting that kind of feedback from my direct reports. Aiyoo... ni semua unintended lah. Of course I get stressed... who doesn't, and when I'm rushing for things I'm intensely focused on the matter at hand... but if ppl perceive it as being in a bad mood, erm... wrong signals conveyed. Bukannya bermakna "get out of my way". So nampaknya kena lah tell them that even when they observe me to be that way, it doesn't mean that I'm in a "gonna bambu you" sort of state. Kena belajar to control my facial expression...
Have patience and be thick-skinned... that's what they said also. Think broader, read more, bounce ideas... the expectations are higher. With position comes obligations... oh how I miss the simpler days...

So did I accomplish what I set out to do for Ramadan... the results were:

• solat jemaah: 3/5 (fail kat office)
• ceramah: did not go sbb jumpa ARG & NSY
• baca quran: belum lagi
• tarawikh: yes
• balik awal to help Mama: nope
• a light meal for sahur: 3 suap nasi goreng (kena lah makan.. Mama dah susah2 bangun masak)
• don't eat unnecessarily: had a karipap, kueh badak and an ice-cream

conclusion.... FAIL!!!

Must do better tomorrow...