complete :)

The time, 5am... my alarm went off. I'm on a mission. Knocked on Abg's door... he was still awake. "Jom..." I told him.

Went down for sahur and by 5.30am we were on our way. The destination... KLIA. By 6.10am dah sampai (erm... I don't think I drove that fast, hehe). Looked at the TV screen... belum landing lagi. So pergi sembahyang dulu. Tgh2 sembahyang my phone rang... Kelly Clarkson belted, piercing the keheningan subuh kat surau KLIA. Oops... this is the second time this week. Hari tu kat Masjid @ Tmn TAR ;p I need to chg my ringtone to something more *gentle*...

Ina's back :) She lost a teeny bit of weight. Abg and I had a bet going you see... and I won, by a slim margin, haha. Great to have Ina back... dah dekat sebulan tak jumpa, since I had left early for Langkawi hari tu. So now every member of our family is back on Malaysian soil... or bak kata DZ, when the chief steward/stewardess will say as soon as we land on Malaysia Airlines... "and to all Malaysians, welcome home"

Sampai rumah I was barely awake. Abg mmg dah start tido dlm kereta. Nasib baik lah Ina had lots to cerita on the drive home. Terus naik atas, masuk bilik and zzzzzzz....

Woke up in time to watch the Japan GP... monsoon rain poured on the Fuji circuit. Hmm... shld be interesting. Since the rain was so heavy, the race started behind the safety car... went on for over 10 laps, then baru the real race started. Lots of crashes, langgar, accidents etc. Alonso was a casualty, which means that his hopes of retaining his world championship will require some form of miracle with only 2 more races left, while Hamilton is inching towards becoming the first ever rookie to win a world championship and becoming the youngest champion in the process (Alonso holds that title... for now).

Petang... Mama & I discussed nak masak apa. Ayam lah... apa lagi :) Special utk Ina, hehe... So we made nasi tomato, ayam masak merah, sayur campur, udang goreng. By 6pm dah siap masak and I remembered that I belum beli that massage package and today is the last day ada offer. Persuaded Ina to drive me to Hartamas Shopping Centre... sign up and was out by 6.45pm. Sampai rumah ngam2 nak berbuka.

Semua org ada kat rumah... Amt pun balik from Uniten. So meja penuh lah... all 6 of us yg agak besar ni (except for Amt & Papa) sitting at the round table yg intended for 4. Gembira semua orang ada... bila solat Maghrib pun full quorum. Sejadah susun in 1-2-3 formation... PERFECT! Me very happy :)

Last night lepas tarawikh Mama Papa & I went to Jalan TAR... Mama nak beli serunding. "Baik pergi sekarang" Mama said "nanti next week lagi ramai orang"
Sorry Ma, tonight pun ramai org. Jln jam... so I dropped them kat depan Campbell Complex and went in search for parking. Got a spot near Doraisamy. Hmm.. what to do sementara tunggu? I teringat that I still haven't made that call to Dumbo. Hari tu he didn't pick up. So I dialled and a familiar voice answered that the other end...

The thing abt good friends is that no matter how long it has been since you last spoke to them, things fall back into groove as if no time had passed. It was such a joy to speak to him again :) No awkwardness, no silly uncomfortable silences... in fact, we both had to fight for airtime, haha! Well... there's a lot to catch up. Found out that he's still living in Subang with some of his Ausmat friends, some of them I kenal. Still working at the same place. Talked a bit about Raya plans... tak sempat borak panjang sbb my parents dah sampai kat kereta. So conversation cut short and we've agreed to meet up for berbuka, one of these days.

I went to bed feeling happy and woke up even happier sbb Ina balik :) A good 24 hours indeed...

Qurban for life

Masa keluar Masjid tadi, dpt this brochure... insyaallah, we are all able to provide aid to those in need. Such a brilliant initiative... do spread the word

With your ongoing help, we can continue the fight against WORLD HUNGER

Laksanakan qurban anda untuk mereka yang benar-benar memerlukannya

Bilangan umat Islam yang berkemampuan untuk menunaikan ibadat qurban semkin hari semakin bertambah. Akan tetapi, ada yang mempersoalkan adakah ibadat qurban yang mereka tunaikan mencapai matlamatnya?

Pengagihan secara tangkap muat sehingga ada daging qurban yang terperosok dalam peti sejuk sekian lama kerana penerimanya yang berkemampuan sudah muak memakan daging sedangkan masih ada golongan yang menderita kebuluran masih memerlukan bantuan makanan.

Walaupun amalan biasa yang kita laksanakan dengan mengagihkan daging qurban kepada mereka yang miskin, jiran atau dimakan sendiri bersama keluarga tidak menjadi kesalahan, namun menyalurkan kesemuanya kepada saudara seagama yang betul-betul kebuluran adalah amalan yang lebih ideal dan mulia serta mendapat lebih keredhaan Allah SWT. Kerana itu nikmatilah keredhaanNya dengan memahami dan menghayati ibadah qurban yang sebenarnya.

Amalkan Qurban Yang Lebih Afdal

Muslim Aid Asia (MAA) sebuah organisasi bantuan dan pembangunan antarabangsa mengajak umat Islam di negara ini untuk menyertai program "Qurban For Life" (Q4L) bagi mendekati saudara seagama di seluruh dunia yang tidak mampu menikmati daging dan hidup dalam kedaifan berbanding umat Islam di negara ini.

Program Q4L sudah 18 tahun dilaksanakan oleh rangkaian Muslim Aid dan pengagihannya dihantar hampir ke seluruh dunia Islam yang mengalami kemusnahan dan penderitaan seperti di Afghanistan, Afrika, Indonesia, Iraq, Kashmir dan Palestin, malah rakyat termiskin di Malaysia.

Penyembelihan dilakukan di pusat penyembelihan terpilih yang diiktiraf oleh JAKIM dengan penyeliaan ketat Muslim Aid. Proses masakan dan pengetinan dilakukan di kilang Pertima Terengganu dan seterusnya dihantar ke negara terpilih yang mengalami penderitaan akibat bencana alam atau peperangan.

Selain berpejabat di Malaysia, Australia, United Kingdom dan Jerman, MAA juga mempunyai pejabat cawangan hampir diseluruh dunia Islam yang menderita kebuluran dan bertanggungjawab menyaring setiap permohonan serta menyediakan laporan terperinci tentang pengagihan daging qurban berkenaan. Kami member jaminan bahawa qurban anda sampai ke matlamatnya.

Kaedah Qurban Cara MAA

1. Pengetinan daging merupakan kaedah terbaik apabila penghantaran perlu dilakukan ke kawasan yang daif dari segi infrastrukturnya seperti ketiadaan bekalan elektrik. Cara ini juga dapat memastikan bekalan makanan ini sentiasa ada dan boleh dinikmati pada bila-bila masa.
2. Selain dari pengetinan daging qurban, Muslim Aid juga melaksanakan penyembelihan setempat iaitu melakukan ibadat qurban di negara-negara terpilih yang dikenalpasti rakyatnya hidup dalam kebuluran.
3. Muslim Aid juga menyembelih dan memproses daging beku untuk dihantar ke kawasan yang sesuai dari segi infrastruktur dan budaya seperti Bosnia.

Bertemakan sedekah dari rakyat Malaysia untuk masyarakat dunia, MAA melaksanakan ibadat qurban melalui kaedah teknologi moden dan sistem yang teratur

FAKTA

Menurut Program Makanan Sedunia PBB, setiap 3.5 saat seorang penduduk dunia atau 24,685 orang setiap hari mati akibat kelaparan. Anehnya kebanyakan dari mereka adalah masyarakat Islam.

Seekor kambing biri-biri atau satu bahagian qurban yang bernilai RM350 telah dapat menghasilkan sebanyak 24 tin daging qurban yang telah siap sedia untuk dimakan.

Setiap tin boleh dimakan oleh 5 orang atau satu keluarga.

Pada musim 1427H (2006/07), rangkaian Muslim Aid telah menyumbang sejumlah RM4,226,174 kepada mangsa yang menderita kelaparan di seluruh dunia termasuk RM1.4 juta adalah dari sumbangan qurban

Rangkaian Muslim Aid masih memerlukan sumbangan anda untuk meneruskan JIHAD MENENTANG KELAPARAN dengan menyalurkan segala bantuan ataupun qurban anda kepada saudara seagama kita di seluruh dunia.

MUSLIM AID ASIA
8-1-2 Mutiara Bangsar, Jalan Liku,
59100 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03-22881996 / 22821996
Fax: 03-22881996

www.muslimaidasia.com
www.muslimaidasia.blogspot.com

some of my favourite things...

Not necessarily things, also activities that I like...

• Smell of freshly cut grass
• The smell in the air just before it rains
• Playing with a toddler.. or just observe them play
• Receiving cards... kad raya, bday card... any card!
• Lying down on just-made bed yang baru ditukar ke a clean pair of sheets
• Unwrapping and using a new bar of soap
• Lipat kain yg baru diangkat drp ampaian... masa still *panas* lagi
• Driving around town late at night
• Midnight snack kat A&W
• Popia.. any type, basah goreng... everything goes!
• Coffee ice-cream
• The atmosphere kat Sepang masa F1 weekend
• Exploring a new gadget... camera, laptop, DVD player etc (I would usually read the manual and then baru play around)
• Pasang a DIY furniture/stuff (also read manual and follow instructions... usually buat dgn Papa "father-daughter bonding time")
• Trying a new recipe (rasa mcm buat experiment, hehe...)
• Potong kuku (it's weird.. i know. I even suka potongkan kuku orang)
• People playing with my hair.. it's intoxicating!
• The night before Raya... dlm kekecohan nak get ready for org datang takbir, a sense of joy bila everything dah ready... pasang candlelights around the house (this year nak tiru Tamarind Springs lah... use those mini cups... time to go to IKEA!!)

Nanti kalau teringat benda lain, I'll add lagi...

domestic goddess in training...

Today was mmg domesticated habis... drp pagi sampai malam. Woke up late morning... peered at the clock and first thing that crossed my mind "what time qualifying eh?" Dgn muka sembab terus on Astro to check the schedule... 12.57pm. OK... still several more hours to go. Then baru pergi toilet basuh muka gosok gigi, hehe... This girl has her priorities tonggang terbalik ;)

First thing I did was kemaskan bilik Ina, since she's arriving tomorrow morning. Tak lah sepah, just need to put aside some things, pasang cadar etc etc. Then kemas my room pulak, tukar sheets. The house was quiet... Abg still sleeping in his room. Turun bawah, pun takde org. Wondered where Mama & Papa pergi.

Pergi kitchen saw loads of plastic bags... ooh, they all pergi pasar tadi. Baru nak belek, the washing machine bunyi alerting that the washing dah siap. So I pun pergi lah sidai kain. Sambil sidai tu nampak my neighbour sidai comforter. I tak pernah cakap dgn dia... tak pernah nampak pun walaupun rumah sebelah2. Dia rent rumah arwah makcik sebelah. Kalau dulu, time pagi2 mcm ni, makcik would be busy tending to her pokok2.

Lepas sidai kain, washed the dishes from sahur tadi. Pagi tadi sahur kelam kabut sikit. Woke up at 5.20am... everyone was still asleep, nasib baik I pasang alarm. As usual, I just have air suam and a piece of bread. Tapi the rest usually makan proper... so kecoh lah sikit nak heat up etc etc.

Dah habis the dishes, time to bersihkan the ayam, ikan, udang yg Mama beli kat pasar tadi. I tak reti sangat siang ikan, so I'll leave that for Mama when she's back. Nanti hancur pulak ikan tu. Started with the udang. Bubuh dlm tupperwares then simpan dlm freezer. Next were the chicken... Mak!! banyak nya (when I asked her later... "7 ekor" she said). Cleaned them up, buang the fats, skins... then cuci with air tepung to buangkan bau hanyir. I tau lah Ina nak balik, tapi this is too much, hehe... Mama kata dia malas nak pergi pasar next week sbb sure ramai orang coz dah nak Raya, that's why dia beli banyak. Nasib baik lah we have a big freezer. Tu pun lepas dah simpan semua2 barang, full freezer tu.

Just in time habis cuci ayam (and Mama pun dah balik by then), it was time to tengok qualifying. Sambil tengok I kupas bawang, garlic. Mata kat tv.. tangan kupas bawang. At least there's some cooking related tasks that I'm good at, hehe... It was an exciting quali... in the rain! In the end Hamilton pipped Alonso to pole by 0.058 seconds... that's not even a blink of an eye. It's going to be a very *interesting* race tomorrow, with all that's happening and the tension within the team. Bila tgh advert and between the quali sessions, I jenguk lah kat dapur... Mama tengah siang ikan pulak. By the time habis quali, she pun dah siap.

Since I haven't had my shower and I'm all stinky from the *cuci2 ayam*, it was time to shower. Sambil shower cuci my toilet lah sekali. I love cleaning toilets... suka main air. Maybe because I was born under the sign of the water carrier kut. I much prefer cuci toilet than lap2 or vacuuming.

Lepas zohor, it was quiet again. Mama & Papa took a nap while I tulis kad raya utk dihantar kpd the usual suspects. I still prefer sending proper cards instead of digital cards... more personalised. And I know ppl still love receiving them... so there!

Around 5.30pm lepas Asar went to dapur... "Nak masak apa today?" Mama tanya. Hmm... choices, choices ;) We both decided that the menu for the day would be sayur bayam rebus, lemak udang & nenas, ikan goreng and daging kicap. While Mama tengok her drama Indon, I did all the prep work. Tapi as usual lah kan, when the Queen enters her domain, us mere servants step back. Mama took over and I was resorted to the role of a kitchen help. Hmph... and yet she complaints that I can't cook. How to cook if she always takes over. Anyway... that's besides the point. I was asked to potong and blender kan tembikai utk buat air tembikai. Yaa... leave the mundane tasks to the novice ;) Lepas tu kemaskan the cabinet to simpan all the tupperware etc. By 6.30pm semua dah siap and we rested while tunggu maghrib.

Which reminds me... belum lipat kain lagi. Ok lah... sat lagi, sambil teman Abg tgk bola.

Banyak kerja jadi domestic goddess ni. Non stop from pagi sampai petang. I salute all the wives yg do all these without receiving any pay, day in day out. I know I'll go bonkers if I have to do it everyday, heheh... So next time you see a domestic engineer, don't just think that they tak penat like the rest of us who work in the office (unless of course if they have a maid, then the thanks shld go to the maid). They may have just worked as hard, if not harder than you!

aktiviti zaman sekarang...

Compared to zaman persekolahan... I was waaaaay more *happening* back then. Sentiasa busy dgn pelbagai aktiviti. Mana dgn band nya, drama nya (although I was more involved in the props lah), dgn dancing nya... diselang selit dgn benda2 compulsory like house games etc. Patutlah dulu *kecik* ;-)

.
Skrg *besar*... sbb activity pun kurang. Yg byk... activity involving makan, haha. Tonight pergi berbuka kat Tamarind Springs... menariks :) The place is lovely... hidden amidst lots of trees, beautiful asian themed decor, great food... My kind of place. Have heard a lot about Tamarind Springs tapi hari ni baru first time pergi.
The restaurant is kat tepi bukit. From jalan level kena turun bukit sikit to the main building. Tapi our reservations were at the Italian restaurant area.. which was abt 2 storeys ke bawah lagi. So tonight we had to *work* for our food... sbb the indochina spread kat atas. Mengah jugak naik turun tangga. But all that hard work compensated by the food and of course the ambiance
Masa sampai it wasn't dark yet... so belum *full effects*. Masa balik ada bunyi unggas, the pathway lit by candles and lanterns... aaahhh, it's a perfect setting for an intimate dinner. Kalau dpt rumah mcm ni kan best...

Apart from makan, other activities would be pergi tgk movie, pampering at spa, chill sessions with the girls... none of which requires rigorous movements. Hmm... patut lah pun *besar*. OK lah... I'm gonna take up what NSY has been telling me to do for ages. Wake up early and go to the gym in the morning. Am also planning to enrol in a belly-dancing class. Actually nya nak ballroom dancing but that requires a male partner, which I do not have. Perhaps I shld go for french classes again... nah! That requires brain power, I want sthg that relaxes the mind, not strain it further. Dah cukup lah dgn benda2 kat office...

In short, as I grow older it's more about the experience than the activity. I guess that's why I love travelling to new places so much. 3 places I wanna go before I turn 35... (more of) Italy, Egypt and Morocco. Adding more pins to my map... that's definitely something I wanna do more of :-)

aktiviti zaman lampau...

Recently I was introduced to Facebook by some friends. So skrg hari2 pun pergi check tgk what they're up to and what sort of things they "invite" me to do. Can get quite addictive lah... I'm trying not to get embroiled in another obsession. But couldn't help myself with the "cities you've visited" and "travel IQ" applications. Me like that very the much!

Today I received a music dedication from DeeDee in Shanghai through Facebook. The song... "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Hahahahahaha.... that definitely brought back lots of memories. Why lah that song kan? Special ni... esp to all those Orkid 88 girls :)

Cerita nya mcm ni... masa kat TKC, I bawa radio. Baru form 1 masa tu. Quite a big one. Zaman tu kan tgh hype dgn mini-compo. It was boxy, silver colour. Since my radio was the paling besar and kuat punya mini-compo, so selalulah pasang dlm dorm. Masa tu lagu Rick Astley ni sgt lah famous... and I had his tape. Tak ramai org ada tape sbb masa tu kan sengkek. Yg ada pun mostly yg dubbed (as opposed to burn skrg). I don't think we really liked him... in fact, we often imitated his dance style and would burst out laughing. He's definitely not cute... so takdelah org yg go ga-ga over him. Nonetheless, lagu dia selalu berkumandang...

Agaknya we pasang quite loud kut. So one day, masa house meeting, our house captain kata "Orkid... you all selalu pasang radio kuat sangat. Siapa punya radio?" When she said that I was talking to someone else (tak ingat siapa) tapi tiba2 my friends started to poke me. So I had to stand up... in front of the whole house and receive a stern warning. The thing is, my CS is the assistant house captain... so when she saw me bangun, I could already see her face going *alamak*.

My mini-compo sangat berjasa. We had lots of fun times... hanging out keliling radio sambil study, dancing to choreographed moves (zaman tu Janet J was the coolest... and semua org pun nak pandai menari like her)... mcm2 steps and movements, mostly tiru music videos. We also liked to listed to Radio 4 I think masa tu... to listen to "RickDees and the weekly Top40s" and song dedications & call ins. We used the radio to practice for our dancing competitions, the drama competitions (some entertainment while preparing the costumes and props) and of course masa parties.

Gosh.. thanks DeeDs, for bringing back the memories :-)

lelaki itu...

Some ppl are just so lucky! Mula2 dgn Urs... tonight dgn Anuar Zain pulak. What a great bday gift for Momz.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMZ!!!

Momz and Mymot were having iftar kat Concorde... sekali pusing2 nampak AZ. Momz the friendly publicist tanpa segan dan silu pergi approach dia. Siap boleh borak2 and bercerita pasal they all nak pergi KLIA to hantar kawan lah etc. They managed to persuade AZ to sing "Lelaki Ini" to DZ who's leaving for UK tonight. DZ tgh kemaruk dengar lagu tu (moi aussi) and it would be a perfect farewell gift for her. When their calls to DZ went unanswered, dia boleh lagi kata "cuba lah lagi..." Tapi dah bukan rezeki DZ (tu lah, sape suruh tak answer phone), takde lah live rendition of "Lelaki Ini" for her. Kalau dpt dengar tu, sure DZ tak boleh tido throughout the flight, hehe...

Today was tiring... lots to clear, calls to make and meetings to attend. Tapi still sempat main Boggles dgn MrB, MM and AAA during lunch :-) But my brain was on "off" mode today... dpt tempat tercorot. One game tu dapat zero!! It's ok... tak kisah semua tu, yg penting spending time with ppl you like.

Tomorrow dah Friday... yes!! Tapi tadi petang dpt msg that ada brainstorming pulak dgn big boss at 4pm besok. Hope the meeting won't translate into having to work over the weekend... It might be karma...

Found out this morning that one of my staff stayed back in office until 3am smlm, finishing sthg I asked him to do. Guilt overcame me... Yes I did tell him that I want it in the morning but I didn't mean for him to stay back sampai begitu sekali. Am I that bad or ppl see me as a slave driver that this person actually stayed back to complete a task? It wasn't a terribly difficult one... just requiring some facts to be verified and updated. It shouldn't have taken him that long...

To add to my guilt trip, I've noticed that this person has also been staying back kat office beberapa hari kebelakangan ni... esp after we had a discussion on a project that I want to be completed by end-Oct. The deadlines are admittedly very tight, but it's not something new... dah lama dah bagi the project tapi lambat sangat, until now belum siap. So I sat down with him on Monday to plan the workflow, actions to be taken etc to meet the target deadline, which dah bust pun in the first place. Have to lah... kalau tak semua pun tak jalan. On this I don't feel so bad sbb the delay was largely his fault. Tapi the staying back sampai 3am tu, aiyaa....

Susah lah manage orang ni... I don't want to be a bitchy over-demanding boss. Tapi kalau tak demand, tak jalan... so macam mana? Don't want to be creating unnecessary stress on ppl... tapi when you tak pressure and insist on meeting deadlines, things get delayed or they produce sub-optimal work. Tak suka lah mcm ni :( They get stressed, I get stressed. My saving grace is that I'm not one of those *verbal* bosses, tapi itu shj tak mencukupi to be an effective, motivating leader.

Dah penat lah jadi leader... drp kecik sampai besar. Always have to set an example, be good, take charge, be the responsible one... kat sekolah, kat rumah and now kat office. I don't understand ppl who crave power and position, especially those yg sanggup berbuat apa saja to get it.

I for one am not seeking power nor position. I just want a comfortable happy decent blessed life... surrounded by loved ones and good friends. So what if I don't drive a Merc or BMW by the age of 40, or that I don't own a house in a desired locale, or that I don't have bling-blings or branded handbags/ shoes/ clothes, or that I still travel economy and stay in budget hotels for holidays... all those are just material things. Alhamdulillah I have what I have... and I really appreciate it. But my life would be totally empty if not for the ppl that I have around me... that's why I hold friendships very dear and to take any actions that might jeopardise it, scares the hell out of me...

side effects

huaargh... I've been feeling sleepy since 8pm! I think it's the asam pedas... too much MSG. Dulu2 tak mcm ni, tapi of late, the side effects of MSG are 1) get very thirsty and 2) get sleepy.

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation (or rather, had a very interesting listen). It was btw a candidate and our mgmt.

A side effect of our NKVE is that many small towns which are away from the highway becomes"dead"... Tanjung Malim, Kampar etc etc. As a result, there are no jobs in the kampungs and everyone flock to the city

He also talked about seed. How depending on the type of seed, the hasil becomes lain. So no matter what kind and how byk the baja you put, it all depends on the seed. We shld establish a seed bank and make sure all agri sector in the country uses the best... for the most yield and highest quality. And instead of just guna the seed to get produce, also tanam pokok to produce seed... which we can keep for the future and also jual to others. He experimented with tanam grapes in his kebun in Melaka... about to keluarkan hasil. He's optimistic that it will be a good yield...

He talked about the corrosion of values in our society... Perangai worse than the dirtiest dogs... it's scary!
How ppl don't care abt throwing rubbish merata2. Just look at the pasar malams bila dah habis... mcm ada tornado lalu... sampah merata2... Don't they know apa gunanya tong sampah? Opps... takde tong sampah. Hmm... patutlah. When I was in Rome, the vendors kutip, sapu, bersihkan their spot before packing up... kat sini, semua terbiar sbb ada DBKL Indon workers to clean after us... such is the malaise

He shared with us about how despite the tahap kemajuan Malaysia dah 50 tahun merdeka, masih ada orang di kampung yg makan ubi kayu je... Tak sangka kan? Kita ingatkan tu jadi masa zaman Jepun je... my arwah Opah used to tell us stories about how they'll manage 2 cupak beras utk a family of 5... for a week!! So they supplement with ubi kayu. Tapi to think that in this modern day and age, when we go for lavish buka puasa... there's a makcik tua di kampung yg berbuka dengan air kosong dan ubi rebus...
The most disturbing thing I heard was that walaupun ada aid from Kerajaan, the money only goes to those who supports a particular party. Bila the elected *turun padang* they come in nice clothes and naik Mercedes... "makcik takut nak pergi jumpa"

The per capita income of Terengganu is 17,000 and Penang is 19,000 (or sthg like that lah.. bottom line they're close). Tapi the rates of unemployment are 7% and 0.1% respectively! Looking at the statistics won't tell you what's happening on the ground...

Kids nowadays don't read but just watch the idiot box esp bangsa kita. When the parents are asked why is that so, their response "mana ada duit nak beli buku?" Haven't they heard abt libraries??? A father is willing to spend $$ to modify his car, tapi there isn't a single book in the house for his kids... Sad isn't it?
Our TV channels pun satu... kita disogokkan dengan endless stream of entertainment shows. Nothing that stimulates the mind... at least dulu masa kita kecik2 ada Cumi & Ciki... they teach us about values and ada some art & crafts projects
And I'm really annoyed with one particular TV channel yg sibuk dgn bersama artis, heboh stints... makin rancak dlm bulan Ramadan and time raya. It's all about enjoyssss instead of buat apa yg patut... sorry Momz, but that's how I honestly feel
Our ppl are excited abt seeing Mawi, Erra and whoever else yg *happening*... How many spend time watching National Geographic, How Do They Do It, Discovery? Ntah2 tak subscribe pun the Learning Channels... ok lah, maybe I'm a bit of a nerd... I like watching those things + Travel & Living... they take you places to expand the mind and always teaches you something new.

What has happened?? Is this the country that we want to live in? Is this the kind of negara that we want to be proud of?

What have we done... what have I done to contribute back to society? Shamefully I admit... nothing much :-(
Bila kita di Tanya apa sumbangan kita di hari penentuan... what will we say?

Something to think about ain't it?

musical anyone?

I'm very curious to see John Travolta in a dress :-) Apa2 pun the movie looks fun!

Am not a big musical fan (unlike some of the detox chicks... depa pi tgk everything that comes to town) but since watching my first ever musical, Guys and Dolls in the West End last November, I suka pulak. The other day pergi tengok My Fair Lady... not bad. I could sing along most of the songs... tak sangka! Must have watched it so many times masa kecik2 dulu... Tapi Professor Higgins in the play tua and tak handsome, so kureng sikit part dia get together dgn Eliza.

But my preference remains with musical ensemble - a full orchestra or just strings, woodwind, brass, percussions... semua pun best. To me yg paling best is if ada brass... biasness perhaps because I played the baritone in the band dulu. Tak ramai orang tahu what a baritone is... selalunya they know trumpets, trombone... a few kenal horn. Selalunya brass instruments tak se-famous strings (eg violin, viola, harpsicord) and woodwind (clarinet, saxaphone - saxs pun ada byk tau... alto, tenor, bass etc).

My dad used to kata the sound mcm bunyi gajah. Selalunya baritone ni main the background sounds... rarely do we play the melody. So sampai sekarang if I listen to the orchestra, I tend to pick out the baritones, trombones, tenor sax, cello etc instead of focussing on the main melody. To me it's the "background" guys that makes the whole thing sounds rich. Of course lah tak glamour, usually kalau on stage pun duduk kat blkg2... on the field kalau marching band pun, we used to be 1 or 2 lines depan the drums (itu pun kalau the drums kat blkg)

Main brass instruments kena ada big breaths... kena byk *angin*. And once you master one, you can play the other valve instruments. Since everytime tiup kena beriya2... byk juga air liur yg terhembus sekali, hehe. There's a lever yg kita boleh buang saliva... kalau tak buang, nanti bunyi *berkocak-kocak*... for lack of a better way to explain, haha... And if you play lama and kena byk main the high notes, your lips will be kebas. Rasa mcm pouty je... a la Angelina Jolie.

I really enjoyed my band days... walaupun masa tu hitam legam *mcm bontot kuali* (as my mom selalu kata). Mana taknya... bila ada performance or competition, hari2 kena practice on the field from 4-6pm. Kena pulak our uniform dulu warna kuning + hijau... aiyoo!!

Who were the band girls from my batch? Let's see if I can remember them all... Marni (clarinet), Aida (clarinet), Fazlin (alto sax), Diba (tenor drum), Iday (trombone), Doreen (horn), Lin (trombone), Kamm (trombone), FaraLuni (piccolo), Geema (cymbals), Jay (alto sax), Farha (horn), Rubie (trumpet & drum major), Ati (side drums), Cha (clarinet)... that's all this band president can ingat.

Despite the musical upbringing, none of us ended up in that line. We turned out to be doctors, accountants, bankers, engineers... kerja normal2 je. Hmm.. to think of it, none of the choir girls jadi recording artists pun, hehe... Tapi unlike us band girls yg kalau disuruh main skrg sure dah tak boleh, those choir girls can still sing. Hmm... maybe I'll use my executive powers as head girl to get them to sing at my wedding ;-) So Mymot, DZ, Imah, Noorul, Juan, Jhot... consider yourselves warned! hehe

almost full quorum

Amt is home for the weekend, Abg dah balik fr Segamat... Ina je takde. Bila call tak dapat, sms pun unanswered... Mama pun naik risau, apa dah jadi dgn anak dara dia sorang tu.

I emailed her smlm and tonight dpt reply... she has been sgt busy and lupa nak charge phone. Dia kata puasa kat sana tak best... sahur makan roti, berbuka with fish but if the chef lupa, makan vege je lah... she misses her chicken. We don't call her Inayam for no reason, hehe... Relayed the message to all at home... Mama especially seemed very relieved.

I finally went for a nap around 11.30am this morning. Had an intriguing dream... must ask Mymot to decipher based on that book of hers.

Petang pun *slow* je... lepas Asar tolong Mama masak. By 5.30pm dah siap. With nothing to do, I headed for Hartamas Shopping Centre. Some toiletteries to get and a short stop kat Times. Smlm pun pergi HSC juga for facial... loitered tgk the Raya bazaar, but as usual, no size. Alamak... forgot to go signup for the massage package, they're having an anniversary sale. Nampaknya next weekend pergi lah situ lagi...

On the drive back received a call from Papa "Where are you?" he sounded a bit panicked.
"Hartamas..." I had told Mama that I was going, so why the concern?
"Eay... kereta tu minyak dah reserve lah... be careful, nanti mati tgh jalan"
Laa... ingatkan apa lah. "Dah isi dah tadi, before datang..."
"Haa... ok"

I gelak sorang2 dlm kereta. Papa is usually the cool and calm guy. Kali ni dia pulak yg havoc. Parents would be parents... no matter how old you are :-)

Tadi dlm kereta on the way to masjid, Mama tanya "Kenapa Along suka Anuar Zain skrg?" Aik?? Where did that come from? Mungkin sbb she has been listening to the same tune since last week kut.
"Tu je CD yg ada dlm kereta.. baru beli hari tu" She didn't say anything further...

I think esok I'll put on Daughtry and let's see what her reaction would be, hehe...

where to next?

It's Sunday and it's early... I couldn't go back to sleep. I suppose rigorous pot scrubbing at 5.30am, woke me up, heheh... Kalau hari kerja tu mata kuyu je lepas Subuh.

Tried to lull myself into sleep by turning on the tv... didn't work. DVD pun dah habis... went down to sidai kain, and now I'm writing...

Why like this?? I don't know...
Was it the coffee that I took last night? Tapi smlm tido ok je...
Was it the things that need to be done at the office? I checked my email last night and saw a few things yg perlu disiapkan tomorrow, hmph...
Was it the things that I need to figure out for next year's deliverables? double hmph...
Was it one of the things that AHB said during our session? big HMPH...
... maybe it's the combination of the above. I hate feeling this way...

During LDP we were asked to draw four pictures... satu a picture of when you were 10 years old, satu what you were doing 10 years ago, satu to draw you sekarang and the final one is what you think you'll be doing in 10 years' time... I had the hardest time thinking about what I would be doing in 2017...

Used to have clarity on how my future would look like when I was younger. Knew exactly what I wanted and what I have to do to achieve it. Did the plan work out as intended? No...

And now?? I feel like I'm just *floating*. Like what Aimy said, I'm not grounded.

I'm envious of those who lead their lives with rigour. I looked at MYMY's and Zie's fotopages... I wish I had that same *zing!*. I read MrB's blog... he seems to know what he wants. Essentially people move on... they don't get stuck in a place.
When did I lose my sense of ambition?
This was one of the main reasons why I had wanted to pergi belajar last year... to rediscover myself. Tapi kita hanya merancang, Tuhan yg menentukan... did a 180 and stayed on when the offer was made. I got excited again, which is good. A new area and responsibility, I like the challenge.

It's almost 1 year on... the buzz has fizzled. Although it constantly throws curve balls at me and I do my darnest to do it well, I realise that work doesn't feed my soul... no matter how good a job I've done. I get jolts like shots of caffeine, but they're temporary. Perhaps it's because I don't have big ambitions in that department.

It's no fun living a life when you're just going through the day with no particular destination in mind.

So what do I want? What is the end-game? I need to figure that out... soon!

detox @ bukit mas part deux

Due to a power surge on Tuesday, Mymot's TV, modem + router, washing machine tak boleh guna. Tapi she managed to betul kan her Bose ipod dock... so we were not deprived of entertainment :) Music courtesy of DZ and Mymot punya ipods... and live rendition from the ex-choir members. Fully aware of my croaking and off tune voice, I sahut pelan2 je lah... hehe. Why spoil something good, kan??

Our moreh was caramel custard yg dibeli oleh Rubie dgn loyangnya sekali (jgn lupa pulang the loyang Rubie!) and trifle yg dibawa oleh Momz. Ooohh.... sweet indulgence! Washed down with teh o panas and soya bean milk.

While enjoying the caramel custard, our resident psychiatrist dukter Imah said "OK Ooj, I'm gonna ask you some questions...". She had a laptop on her lap and looked all serious. "Huh?" I responded with my mouth full of creamy, smooth custard. "We all dah buat dah..." kata DZ and nods by Momz and Skinner. OK lah... I'm game for some psychiatric evaluation :) Having gone through the 360 evaluation masa LDP, such revelations don't scare me anymore. The exchange went something like this...

Dukter: Describe your dream house...
Moi: It's not too big nor small. Lots of open wooden windows, mcm tingkap kampung tu. No curtains... breeze coming in.
Dukter: Lagi??
Moi: Ada 4 rooms for the 4 kids I have, furnished in a mix of traditional items and contemporary items. The house is elevated... on stilts, mcm rumah kampung.
Dukter: Rumah kayu?
Moi: No... rumah batu, tapi gaya2 mcm rumah melayu... tak lah tinggi... mcm 4-5 tangga je. Like rumah Melaka.
DZ: Mcm Bali style laa...
Moi: Yup. And it's calm and relaxing

Dukter: OK... now step out of the house. You see a body water... describe it.
Moi: It's tempayan utk basuh kaki (at this point Momz and DZ buat sound effects... "ooooohh...")
Dukter: And the water? Byk ke sikit, anything in the tempayan?
Moi: It's full, clear and clean (Momz and DZ giggled... this time joined by Skinner...)
Dukter: Kat mana tempayan tu?
Moi: Kat tepi tangga.. nak masuk rumah. Kat depan lah

Dukter: OK... now describe the surroundings.
Moi: Ada pokok
Dukter: Describe the pokok
Moi: Tall and leafy... green. Bukan pokok bunga
Dukter: Pokok is there naturally or tanam?
Moi: Natural... tapi ada sikit2 tanam

Dukter: OK... now move on. You come to an open space. What do you see?
Moi: Ermm... a gazebo
Momz: Waa... dahsyat, gazebo.
Mymot: Hehe... kalau I wakaf. Alaa... sama lah tu, wakaf nama melayu, gazebo nama omputeh...
Dukter: OK... gazebo. How big is it? Ada apa kat situ? Creepers ke?
Moi: Not that big, enough to sit about 4 ppl. No creepers. It's open and teduh with shady roofing
Dukter: Do you see anyone there? Is it intended for your family?
Moi: No... right now tgh takde org. Tak... anyone can come and sit kat situ.

Dukter: Orait... Now move on lagi and you come to a door?
Moi: A door? Kat rumah I ke?
Dukter: No... just a door out of nowhere... tinggi sampai langit. It's half open... what do you do?
Moi: I would take a peek
Dukter: Will you go through the door?
Moi: Depends on what I see on the other side.
Dukter: OK... assuming you go through the door... what do you see?
Moi: More open space
Dukter: You see a body of water... describe it.
Moi: It's a pond. Tapi tak lah kecik mcm koi pond tu, besar... tapi tak sebesar lake lah. Ada living things lah in the pond kut since it's a pond
Dukter: OK... that's all. Now Mymot pulak... (and she asked the same set of questions)

Lepas dah habis interview Mymot, I excitedly ask Imah "So, what's the diagnosis?" "I tak reti sgt" said Imah. "Alaa... try je lah" urged DZ. "Kita call Aimy lah... she's the sifu" suggested Imah. And the call was made... after a short hellos and borak2, Aimy began her "translation" session...

So what's the verdict? I'm not going to write it here! Haha.... Kalau mau tahu ask me personally ;-) What I can share are that the girls were quite excited on certain aspects and some revelations made sense to me.

We spent the rest of the night listening to more music, makan oren and more trifle... chatting the night away.
At one point Rubie and Mantze got excited planning their next birthday celebration... they share the same date, month and year. "Nak cake tegak... with our faces on the cake". Yes dears... we should have a big bash next year :) All of us should...
Momz helped me understand lyrics lagu album baru Anuar Zain. "My melayu lemah lah Momz" I told her. "Album ni mostly lagu putus cinta" said DZ. "Oh... but they sound so sedap?" naive me asked. "Haa... sbb tu lah best" replied DZ with a smile.
Rubie, Mantze and I settled down quite nicely on Mymot's sofa yg empuk. Momz and DZ conquered the other sofa... half lying down. "Best lah... snuggling like this... let's sleep kat sini" "Laa... tak cukup ke tido duduk dlm kapal terbang?" gelak Skinner.
"Cop! I nak tido katil double decker kat atas" I proclaimed. "Boleh sayang... it's all yours" smiled Mymot.
"Next year jom pergi Hong Kong" Mymot ajak. "Jom!" "This Dec kalau nak pergi ChiangMai ada free accommodation" added Rubie.

I love spending times like this with my girls... I wonder whether we'll continue to do this into our 40s dan selanjutnya. Would we still have sessions like this when we each have our own family? I hope so. The first test would be with Marni's upcoming nuptials, when she's back for good from Scotland.
And who's next after Marni? Haha... that's a million dollar question. I have a suspicion that someone is moving down that path ;-)

DZ dah nak balik next Thursday. Don't worry dear... I'm sure all will work out in the end. Walaupun kita jauh beribu batu, we're always here for you...

Ikhlas Tapi Jauh

Bila-bila kiranya dirimu perlu
Hari yang murung
Terdengar nada yang riang
Ria...

Sekali suara meyakinkan jiwa
Kaku langkah mengaguminya
Kaku menerimanya

Selagi bahuku memikul bebannya
Selagi hayatku merasa siksamu
Selama senyuman menjadi senyumku
Ku bawa wajah mu
Walau diriku jauh
Jauh...

We are so young and free
Full of desire
Flying higher and higher

lunak merdu

Hari ni kat Masjid the imam for solat was a tahfiz from Syria.... oooh, sedap betul bacaan dia. Transported to another realm... I dunno, somehow it helps utk lebih kusyuk. I know, we're supposed to aim for kekusyukkan regardless... but I'll gladly accept whatever aid I can get.

Agong Tuanku Mizan was also in attendance tonight. So you can just imagine the hassle to get parking. They've restricted access to the Anjung B side of the masjid. Nasib baik keluar awal tadi... so tak lah kelam kabut. More tangga to climb tonight. Tapi since smlm dah training kat rumah Mymot, I kurang semput, hehe...

Since Agong was there, the prayers were quite short... by middle east imam standards lah. I remembered last year masa malam yg invited imam yg lead, 8 rakaat tarawikh and witir habis almost 11pm! Masa tu terasa lah sakit pinggang berdiri lama... a reminder that I'm getting older. Masa buat sembahyang tasbih pun mcm tu. This time round by 9.30pm dah selesai semua. Tapi my guess is that last night it was longer... I tak tahu, sbb I was in Bukit Mas.

detox @ bukit mas part un

Yesterday us chicks got together for iftar @ Mymot's. I thought I was going to be late, tengok2 I was the first to arrive, haha... save for the host of course. Dia tgh menumis sambal masa tu. The time was 6.30pm...

I was banished from her kitchen sbb she said she works faster sorang2. Not that I could have been much help pun, given my lack of culinary skills ;) So I buat air (pink guava cordial brand Sun-Up... sedap!), letak dlm fridge and kemas kan her dining table. Shortly Rubie sampai... lama tak jumpa Rubie :) She termengah2 nak kejar Asar... tapi dlm rushing2 tu still sempat cerita abt her torturous "5km/hr" drive fr Semenyih to Bukit Mas. Then Skinner arrived... with her pipi yg sejuk sbb "duduk dlm kereta aircond". Called Mantze to check her whereabouts... dia pun baru sampai rumah and nak "rebus something" utk dibawa ke rumah Mymot. Rubie then informed us that Syidah won't be joining sbb her brother is hospitalised for appendicitis... hmm, tak dpt lah cd lagu Anuar Zain yg I asked her to burn for me. Imah arrive literally minutes before azan berkumandang with karipap yg yummy :) Mantze said that she would join us after Maghrib sbb dia tgh tunggu ikan bakar dia siap masak. Uummm... yummy prospects ahead :) We berbuka with the karipap and samosas yg Rubie and Imah bawa, and kurma dan air pink guava. I je yg datang melenggang... opps!!

Lepas solat Maghrib we had dinner... the table was full with rezeki yg melimpah ruah... ikan cencaru bakar + cicah kicap, sambal ikan bilis, telur dadar, masak lemak rebung, mixed vege soup, telur masin, sotong goreng, burung puyuh goreng... alhamdulillah!!! Tapi yg paling best sbb they were home cooked... Mymot & Mantze dah pass kalau nak kawen :) Meriah betul...

On the way down nak pergi surau, bertembung dgn DZ and Momz yg baru sampai... bringing with them more delicacies. Isya' and tarawikh were at a surau baru near Mymot's house. Masa sampai org dah nak start sembahyang. Had to park quite far. We were not the only latecomers... a few boys were rushing in as well. Sejuk hati tgk budak2 tu berkejaran nak pergi buat ibadat :) There's still hope in this chaotic world we live in...

Suara gelak tawa greeted us as we keluar kereta lepas balik sembahyang. That's nothing unusual ppl might say, tapi considering that the sounds came from the top floor of a 5-storey apartment block... that's another story! (ok laa... 3 storeys je from ground level since 2 storeys lagi turun ke bawah)
Bila sampai atas (and me huffing and puffing) we quickly asked... "Apa yg happy sgt?" They started laughing again... Turned out that masa mandi Skinner tersilap guna shampoo... "rasa panas je kepala" she said. Her hair is now as soft and fluffy as Blossom and Precious :) It's ok Skinner... like what Momz kata "you now have 8 more lives" hehe....

blessed

Took this photo about a year ago... was on the way back from an assignment in Hanoi. It was Ramadan, almost sunset, I was wondering whether I should berbuka kat airport or head straight home. While pikir2 I happened to peer out the tiny aeroplane window... and was greeted by this amazing view. We often take for granted this world that we've been entrusted with... the beauty of nature is breathtaking. Signs of His greatness are everywhere... if you just take the time to look around.

I'm very proud of this photo... was a featured pix on webshots :-) I'm not a great photographer... usually my pix turn out biasa je. Yg ni je bagus sikit... hehe. The last I checked, the photo has been viewed 23,073 times and downloaded 5,133 times... woohoo!

Received a very good email from Mymot today...

Ramadhan is a blessed month whereby doa2 orang berpuasa go straight to Tuhan since Tuhan berada at langit paling dekat dengan dunia to watch us. So we should take advantage of this. The ustaz listed 5 waktu to paling banyak and bagus berdoa for this Ramadhan:-
1. Waktu lepas sahur sampai tunggu subuh
2. Everytime after solat waktu
3. Saat2 sebelum berbuka puasa
4. Waktu antara solat terawih (aku tanya ustaz since susah nak berdoa antara solat terawih (imam baca selawat etc), kalau doa masa sujud okay tak. He said okay, provided dalam hati (yeah lah, batal solat if keluar non-Quranic words)
5. The fifth one I cannot recall. But it could be waktu berbuka because there's an oft-quoted hadith on that

Tadi pergi masjid sampai lambat... sbb jam kat exit to Jln Kuching... an accident. Serious kut sbb ada 2 van polis and nampak phtography flash. I didn't look sebab 1) that so typical M'sian attitude of tgk accident annoys me and 2) we were already late.

Hari ni penuh pulak Masjid... so after dropping Mama I went in search of parking... parked illegally tepi curb ;) As I naik escalator, was greeted by a wall of silence. Azan dah lama dah, how come belum start solat? Then bila sampai on the landing nampak semua orang tgh berdiri. Tapi kenapa senyap?? Heran... I masuk je lah, thought that maybe dah rakaat 3 or 4. Then dengar suara sayup2... oh, mic terpadam rupa nya. It was surreal... hundreds of people and yet it was so calm and peaceful. Even the kids were quiet.

By rukuk rakaat ke-2, mic dah on balik. All back to normal, and a kid started to jerit2. Serenity lost...

genap seminggu...

Pejam celik.. pejam celik.. dah 7 hari puasa. Time flies... Still a lot yg nak dibuat masih belum dibuat. Nowadays bila pergi masjid dah tak crowded mcm masa awal2... quite senang to get a good parking spot although if sampai lambat.

Today I just feel so tired. So am really looking forward to a relaxing weekend with friends and a bit of pampering.

Today my boss also said that I should "get a life"... and he meant it in a good way. His assumptions are not entirely untrue. Some words of advice and wisdom... and something else he said that made me feel "bagusnya ada orang2 mcm ni around me" :-)

He asked me one simple but quite deep question... "how many friends outside work do you have? your support system?" That made me think... a quick mental check, I said 7. The number may be a bit off but the key point is that boleh dikira dengan jari. And I'm ok with that... I don't need many... just enough that can be depended, trusted upon.

I also think it is ok if your "support system" are ppl at work. There is one yg I tell almost everything... and who was there when I went through the scariest, lowest period of my life. Nowadays we don't spend as much time chatting mcm dulu2... dia kata I asyik busy je tapi we both know that if we need each other, we're just a lift ride or phone call away. There's one thing yg I belum bagitau dia lagi... maybe besok... sure dia terkejut, or maybe not ;)

Hari ni jugak mcm cosmic is aligned to give me some guidance. Turned on Oprah... it's an episode about a current issue. Go to yahoo.com pun the headlines are about the same matter. Haha... ok, ok... I get the hint. No more procrastination...

mari kita sama-sama bergembira...

I've got a song ringing in my head... akibat asyik dengar CD yg baru beli over and over again :) Teringat masa student dulu... I always had the radio/CD turned on while studying, so masa masuk exam hall, bukannya ingat apa yg dibaca... lagu yang keluar, haha

Dah lama tak beli CD... sbb I hardly spend time in my room (where the player is) except to tido. So kalau beli pun, dengar satu dua round, then terus kutip habuk. Ohhh... except Il Divo yang I always turn on full blast masa kemas bilik. Bersemangat sikit nak mengelap, mengmop dsb, hehe. Now since Ina took my laptop to Holland... I use her PC kat bilik depan. Kalau tak dulu, duduk jugak in the room... browsing, emailing. Love that wireless router!

Today lebih time spent bergumbira dgn kawan2... lunch time main Boggles dgn MM, AAA, ARG and MrB (I know.. I know... what happened to azam pergi dengar ceramah). MM terror... none of us were in her league. We threatened to strip her of her points for illegal words (a la McLaren hilang championship points)... but in the end we weren't that kejam ;)

I had a meeting in town at 4pm, right across Mymot's office building. So terus ajak dia iftar sama2... Skinner pun join. Dah lama tak masuk KL... and lagi lama dah tak pergi KLCC. Tried to recall when was the last time... think it was some time in March with the Detox Chicks masa we had dinner kat Bukhara. Had fun pressing those buttons, hehe...

Iftar today was at Little Penang Cafe, another place I've not been to for quite a while (hmm... I see a pattern here). Since it's still early Ramadan, it's not hard to get seats. Nanti bila dah tinggal 10 hari terakhir semua tempat pun fully booked one week ahead.

We had a lot of food... I had Assam Laksa (which was very pedas!), Skinner had Char Kuey Teow (which was rather bland compared to the one in MV), Mymot had Curry Laksa (I tak rasa pulak)... and we also had Rojak Buah and Lobak. Tamak lah kata kan.. masa order tu semua pun nak. Bila makan, baru setengah dah mengah. As usual I minum kuah instead of makan the noodles, hehe... despite the five-chillis heat rating. Saw a bagel shop on the way down... umm, yumm... tapi my tummy couldn't take any more food. Nanti lah this weekend.. pergi beli kat BV1 sekali dgn cream cheese... uummmmm :)

all the love in the world...

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than OK
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say

Still I believe
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...

Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way

stepping forward...

Sat down with a tall glass of nescafe ais, turned on the TV... My Best Friend's Wedding was on air, the final 30 minutes more or less. I love that movie... one of my all time favourites. It's funny, romantic, entertaining and unlike the usual romantic comedies, it is not some sentimental mush where "the girl ends up getting the guy" or vice versa. It's more real because let's face it, life isn't simple.

I can relate to Jules in soooooo many ways. The scene where she and Michael went on a boat cruise is one...

Michael: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...
Jules: Passes you by...
Michael: Passes you by...

The boat passes under a bridge, gets into the shade, tension in the air... the possibility of something happening, and just as sudden they're back in the sun... the moment's lost.

I remember how those three simple lines hit me to the core the first time I saw the movie. It still does, everytime I watch it... That's the story of my life. Too late to act, missed opportunities (note the plural...)
I've always held back... afraid to take the big step. Being risk-averse, I dare not make the move. What if the feelings are not reciprocated? What will happen to our current relationship? Those fears avert me from taking the chance.

Have been wondering a lot about matters of the heart of late. As the saying goes... better to have loved and lost it, then not to love at all. Even the Bursa Malaysia's "what if" advertisements seem to mock me these days.
Am I ready to open up my heart? Why am I so scared to let go?
The first time I did, I got burnt... BAD! Although that was almost 14 years ago, the scar remains. I no longer trust my instincts... am wary of such intimacy and the possibility of another heartbreak.

I pray for strength to take that step... and just in case things don't work out, to have the strength to take it in stride.

kembali...

Today is the first Ramadan weekend... which translate into more zzz time, can go pasar to check out what's available, lots of free time... YIPPEE!!

Today I finally pegang my baby... although dah 2 hari balik. It's like wearing an old pair of gloves... everything fits. Bawak pun comfortable je... welcome back precious :) You're sorely missed. Tapi my baby no longer has that newborn smell :( Believe it or not, although she's almost 3 years old, ppl still comment "bau baru".

But now no longer... my baby has gone through a lot these past few weeks and now smells like chemicals. Must be the paint job, tampal, ketuk... or whatever surgery that she had to go through. I don't really like to letak pewangi but I guess it's inevitable lah... Terpaksa. Dah buka apa2 yg perlu to aerate.. hopefully those smells will be gone, but sadly no more newborn scent.

Pagi2 subuh lagi dah pergi jalan dgn dia. Felt so good to be holding and moving with her again! Keluar awal sbb takut queue panjang. OK I'm exaggerating, not subuh, but early enough that I had to turn on lampu . Well worth it... I'm customer #5! So I did not crash back into bed after solat... checked emails, read more about the stepneygate and dum dam dah 7am. At first ingat nak stay situ je tunggu siap, but sleep was overcoming me. Tersengguk2. Tak boleh jadi... called home and asked my bro to come pick me up. Sampai rumah, apa lagi lah... ZZZZZZ ;)

Got up in time to pick her up before the shop closes, then singgah workshop hantar insurance claim documents (uncle towkay workshop tu best lah... suka dia!), fill up kat Shell and balik baca newspaper. Ingat nak keluar for my "project", tapi malas lah pulak. Nanti rushing2. Mama pun sakit2 badan, so better be home in case she needs some help. Papa pergi office, Abg pergi LowYat and iftar kat luar, Amt tak balik lagi.

Ina sms tadi... she said she's heading for Spa to watch the qualifying... JEALOUS!!! She's so darn lucky... hari tu dpt pergi pit tengok the cars and meet drivers upclose, now she's going to watch things as they unfold at the legendary Spa Francanchamps circuit. Spa is rated at the top alongside Suzuka as the best circuit. Oohh... what I'd do to be in her shoes right now.

So today stay at home je lah... do some ironing, kemas barang2 yg still tak tentu hala since balik Langkawi. Besok baru keluar for "project".


SPA FRANCANCHAMPS - where the boys are separated from the men...
Spa winners are dominated by the "who's who in F1 racing" - Alberto Ascari, Juan Manuel Fangio, Jim Clark, Ayrton Senna, Michael Schumacher... all are multiple winners. And the most recent, Kimi Raikonnen... driving non other than a McLaren Mercedes


Spa Francorchamps was first used in 1924, its history long and entwining. Many drivers have won here, with its ever-changing weather conditions, making it a track hard to master. Jim Clark hated it, yet he won four races in a row, 1962 - 1965. The sun can shine in one section of the track, yet it can be pouring with rain in another.The danger here was ever present, with young Alan Stacey and Chris Bristow killed in separate accidents in 1960. By 1970, it was obvious that the speeds were getting too fast, so the track was discontinued, not returning again until 1983. This return saw the track distance nearly halved, with the removal of a section that was classed as really dangerous and thereafter it rewarded only the most talented. Eau Rouge remained the most evocative corner, the scene of many accidents. Alex Zanardi escaped serious injury when he crashed his Lotus there in 1993, and in light of the tragic deaths at Imola, 1994 saw a new chicane added, but when run-offs were built in 1995, this corner thankfully came back into play.Ayrton Senna won four consecutive races, from 1988 to 1991 and it was the scene of Michael Schumacher's very first victory in 1992.

oh no!!!!!!!

I'm depressed... :(

In an extraordinary meeting of the World Motor Sport Council was held in Paris on the 12th of September 2007, The following decision was taken:
"The WMSC has stripped Vodafone McLaren Mercedes of all constructors' points in the 2007 FIA Formula One World Championshiop and the team can score no point for the remainder of the season *.
"Furthermore, the team will pay a fine equal to 100 million dollar, less the FOM income lost as a result of the points deduction.
"However, due to the exceptional circumstances in which the FIA gave the team's drivers an immunity in return for providing evidence, there is no penalty in regards to drivers' points **.
"The WMSC will receive a full technical report on the 2008 McLaren car and will take a decision at its December 2007 meeting as to what sanction, if any, will be imposed on the team for the 2008 season."
The full reasons for this decision will be issued on the 14th September 2007.
* Points gained by other teams so far this season will not be affected.
** No McLaren representative will be allowed on the podium should a McLaren driver win in any of the remaining races of the 2007 season.

Ferrari's disgruntled staff yg buat salah, McLaren pulak yg kena...

when girls have fun... we boogie!!!

Detox chicks... that's what we call ourselves. Why the name? It cropped up when one of us was in desperate need for a way to wind down sbb many of us get burnt out and stressed in our daily lives... so the best way to get a release is none other than through a detox session doing nothing and everything!

Usually we congregate at Mot's place but on this one particular session, we partied with other equally gorgeous ladies (hehe...) at our school's 60th anniversary celebrations.

The dinner started like any other dinner... us sitting down... chatting...

the thorn among the roses... he's one courageous man :)

getting pretty is of course one of the rituals...

Then it got exciting :)


The next round of detox is scheduled for next Friday... a farewell party of sorts before DZ leaves for UK. Nanti the group back to kurang dua members :( Dr "CSI" Marni is still in Edinburgh... Marni, cepat balik... we're gonna throw you a bridal shower that you won't forget :)

1 ramadan

It was a busy busy day... sampai terlupa that hari ni puasa! no... i did not "termakan" or "terminum". Totally out of my mind until NN said "selamat berbuka" at around 6pm, then it hit me... KENA BALIK RUMAH!! Of course, the traffic couldn't be worse... thing I hate most during Ramadan is the massive traffic jam. Today was really bad... from keluar office all the way home - bumper to bumper. Doesn't help that I only had about 4 hrs of sleep last night... mengantuk nya!! As predicted semalam... sampai rumah, mandi, turun, azan. I was so zoned-out that I did not realise that my City is back. Only perasan when Mama mentioned it masa nak get ready nak solat maghrib...

Esok nak naik kereta you ke kereta Ina?
Huh??
Tadi masuk tak perasan ke kereta you kat depan?
Duh....

See... I told you I'm blur...

The first day of Ramadan is always exciting... energy still high, dark circles belum permanent ;)
But 2 Ramadans ago, the first day was "exciting" in a different kind of way. Was admitted for pneumonia. Masa tu dah about a week high fever, bad cough... the worst I've ever felt. Mula2 takut it was dengue, tapi when x-ray baru tahu it was pneumonia. Went to Emergency to be admitted, got a shot on my butt, and the fever began to subside. Hospitalised for a week and recuperation at home for another two.
Masa kat hospital, hari2 kena drip 5 bottles of antibiotics and other ubat, nebuliser & menthol steam pagi and petang... even my pee started to smell like ubat. According to Dr Kamil, the antibiotics that they had me on was very strong. Yup... it hurts a bit when the drip masuk. I tak ingat nama.. just that it was yellow in colour and it would masuk very slowly.. up to 2 hours to habiskan one bottle. Had to "tebuk lubang" twice sbb my veins dah bengkak.
X-ray twice and once MRI... rasa mcm lab rat. My doc said that 3/4 of both lungs were completely wet. He presented my case to their weekly meeting as a case study... sbb he said it was an intriguing case and was not sure of the cause. Jadi "rat in a glass box" lah time tu. Tapi despite all the diagnosis, believe it or not masa kat hospital I was already feeling better on the way towards recovery. No more fever... just wet lungs. So ppl yg visit semua kata "nampak ok je?"... yaaa, you ppl didn't see me masa I kat rumah. Not a lovely sight I tell you...
Mymot came to visit that night... I cried tersebak2. The reason? I've never felt so helpless in my life, and was saddened because I was missing all the things that comes with Ramadan. That was when it hit me how precious Ramadan is... what a blessed month we've been bestowed with. All this while selalu take Ramadan for granted... but when the month comes, but you are incapable of doing even benda2 yg simple, terasalah betapa lemah nya hamba ini. It was a good "reminder" and despite the circumstances, I am grateful that I was given the chance to "learn".

So... how was this year's 1 Ramadan? Compared to 2 years ago, it was bloody brilliant ;)

During lunchtime had a good chat with ARG & NSY... actuallynya jumpa ARG, then NSY datang. So terus boleh dpt direct feedback from both of them. ARG seperti biasa, in his diplomatic nice-guy way... NSY with her frankness and solid advice. I'm so lucky to have had them both as bosses. Sangat bagus listening to highly accomplished and respected ppl ni...

One of their feedback was that I'm transparent as glass when it comes to my mood and how I'm feeling at any point of time. Ye ke? I admit that sometimes mmg deliberately behave in a certain way so that I can be "excused" from things... hehe. And if I tgh dislike someone or something, I will make it obvious. The person would know that I am displeased...
Tapi when ARG kata "just like when kita nampak XXX tgh mood kureng, kan kita stay away from dia"... oops, no wonder lah I've been getting that kind of feedback from my direct reports. Aiyoo... ni semua unintended lah. Of course I get stressed... who doesn't, and when I'm rushing for things I'm intensely focused on the matter at hand... but if ppl perceive it as being in a bad mood, erm... wrong signals conveyed. Bukannya bermakna "get out of my way". So nampaknya kena lah tell them that even when they observe me to be that way, it doesn't mean that I'm in a "gonna bambu you" sort of state. Kena belajar to control my facial expression...
Have patience and be thick-skinned... that's what they said also. Think broader, read more, bounce ideas... the expectations are higher. With position comes obligations... oh how I miss the simpler days...

So did I accomplish what I set out to do for Ramadan... the results were:

• solat jemaah: 3/5 (fail kat office)
• ceramah: did not go sbb jumpa ARG & NSY
• baca quran: belum lagi
• tarawikh: yes
• balik awal to help Mama: nope
• a light meal for sahur: 3 suap nasi goreng (kena lah makan.. Mama dah susah2 bangun masak)
• don't eat unnecessarily: had a karipap, kueh badak and an ice-cream

conclusion.... FAIL!!!

Must do better tomorrow...

azam...

Today's theme, like the past few days, is eating orgy. Pagi2 lagi dah ada makan2 at the office... lavish spread... laksa johor, satay, roti jala, popia, karipap, pai tee, caramel custard, fruit cocktail... all courtesy of FSD club. Also took the opportunity to celebrate our colleagues' birthdays (those yg born this quarter) as well as a farewell party for ZI. Luckily I had to leave for a meeting at around 10am... so my perut tak lah di"seksa".

Tapi for lunch went out to celebrate MrB's birthday pulak (Happy Birthday MrB!!) kat Hartamas. A padang-food restaurant. Hartamas is a frequent haunt of mine tapi tak pernah pulak perasan that shop until today. Food was lavish (again!) and yummy too... got masak lemak tempoyak pucuk ubi, lemak pucuk paku, rendang daging, daging dendeng, bergedil, ayam kampung goreng... all high cholesterol and fat laden. But that wasn't it... since it's a birthday celebration, of course lah ada cake. Which was heavenly... Trio - choc cheese mousse cake with two "boobs", hehe... MrB took the "boobs" home, wonder what he did with it ;)

Aiyoo... all the food that I've been consuming these past few days could have provided a month's worth of nutritions to a starving person in Africa! Inilah masalah kita org Malaysia... bila nak start Ramadan je, everyone goes on a feeding frenzy... as if there is no tomorrow. Sampai jalan jam lah during lunch time because everyone is out seeking for a meal. Moi is a sinner too. Come Ramadan, we still go on a food craze with all the buka puasa pasar malam/buffet, kuih2 etc.

But on a positive note, it also says something nice about camaraderie and our natural desires as human beings to socialise. Friends go out together, contacting those yg dah lama tak jumpa/call... spending time doing what Malaysian love best - EATING! so... nett-nett, boley lah... asalkan tak go overboard.

Tonight marks the beginning of a month long of ritual for me - Tarawikh.
My masjid of choice is non other than Masjid Wilayah, which sits serenely atop a hill not far from my house. I love performing tarawikh kat situ... it's the closest experience to being in Masjidil Haram in Malaysia, in my opinion anyway.
Large open spaces, beautiful architecture... being so big, the imam's recital of the Quran bergaung and fills your soul. It doesn't hurt that their imams are Hafidzs with lovely voices. Usually, one night in Ramadan, they'll bring someone from Saudi Arabia to lead the prayers. I tell you.. if you happen to attend the prayers that night, you can easily be moved to tears... despite not understanding a word that is being recited.
Since the place is big... ramai lah para jemaah. Unlike going to our neighbourhood surau, the Masjid affords me anonymity amidst a crowd of fellow worshippers. The sense of ummah solidarity is prevalent while still offering me my time alone to be with Him. We smile to those who sits next to us, and by the 3rd night or so, you'll recognise the "regulars". In fact, I see familiar faces from years gone by. I still don't know their names... but we acknowledge each others' presence. Ada one lady with a couple of boys... I've watched them grow from toddler sampai sekarang dah masuk sekolah kut. Masa they were small, masyaallah... so annoying. Kejap2 dtg kat mak dia nak tu nak ni, menyelit2 between saf... so I used to stay further away from her. But last year, I noticed that they're more well behaved, albeit still main2 kat saf kanak2 lelaki in front of us.
Usually on the first night and the first weekend night, ramai "visitors". So parking pun extra penuh. These first few nights kena lah keluar rumah awal sikit to get a parking space not so far from the entrance. Tadi pergi lambat... masa keluar rumah dah nak azan. So by the time sampai parking dah penuh (made worse by the fact that it's malam #1). Pergi dgn Mama tadi.. Papa pergi surau and Abg had to go pick up and send his friend. Buat 8 rakaat je... which reminds me, I belum witir lagi. Oh.. Mama lost her slippers tadi. Nothing fancy pun.. just a white colour flip flop which she bought in Halong Bay last month. Itu pun hilang... Our worst experience is Amt losing his Nike sandals which I bought for him in the US.. baru pakai 2 kali and the thing dah "jalan"...

My Ramadan evenings sama je pattern... balik office around 6.15-6.30pm (if I'm lucky!), sampai rumah ngam2 to take a shower before iftar. Often, tak sempat pun... azan maghrib as soon as I reach home. Tapi jarang lah kena berbuka in the car... luckily I live so near to my place of work. Lepas makan, we'll have maghrib jemaah as a family, then terus get ready to go to masjid. Lepas balik from masjid, everyone will head to the kitchen to make a drink and glup.. glup... glup. Kadang2 my siblings and I will merewang to Hartamas or A&W lepas tarawikh, hehe...
Around 4.30am my dad will wake up to heat up food and then kejut us around 5am. I'm lucky that Papa takes this role seriously, hehe... I don't think I've ever bangun to prepare sahur for the family, unless of course if I tak tidur lagi that night (usually on the weekends). Go brush teeth, basuh muka, ambik wudhu, solat tahajjud then go to the kitchen. The TV room is next to our dining area, so TV dah on lah by then, a ceramah on air. Makan... then we wait for azan Subuh... solat jemaah. My brothers and dad would usually tidur lepas tu (seronoknya tak yah gi kerja). I usually "baring-baring" before getting ready to go to work. Mama would gosok Ina's baju or mengaji or siram pokok. Hari2 macam tu.... unless of course if it's the weekend... I'll crash on my bed to catch up on some much needed zzzzzz until late morning ;-)
One thing about Ramadan is that I'll lack sleep. Ye lah... sleeping time tak tukar.. still around 1am, but have to wake up 1.5 hours earlier. I'll get really grumpy if Papa ketuk pintu before 5am, which he occasionally does. The effects: my skin turns sallow, got perpetual dark circle... and can get easily irritated. It's not the fasting that makes me this way... it's the lack of sleep!

I hope to make this Ramadan a better Ramadan than the ones I've had before. Some things that I aim to do...

• solat jemaah all waktu (3 dah settle kat rumah/masjid, just the 2 yg kat office tu je yg quite challenging)
• baca quran hari2
• not to miss tarawikh... if can't go masjid, to do it at home
• spend lunch time dengar ceramah kat surau
• try to balik early enough to assist Mama with iftar preparations
• have a very light meal for sahur
• not to makan kueh2 or benda2 tak perlu

So bulan Ramadan ada blog update ke? Hope so... maybe, I'll do it lepas subuh kut... we'll see.

the reason... (one of it anyway)

People have often asked me why je deteste Michael Schumacher... the highly acclaimed and accomplished F1 driver. I don't question his achievements and admire his contribution towards humanity... in fact I applaud it. But it take more than just winning records to make a champion...
My tak-suka-nya feeling towards Schumi affects how I feel about Ferrari. For a long time I refuse to wear any shade of red (except on my lips, hehe). And each time they win a race, I would wear something dark and somber the next day. Haha.. fanatical I tell you. Now I'm much better.. partly because Schumi is no longer around, partly because Kimi is in Ferrari now, but largely because Schumi has tainted his reputation for the world at large to see, especially in his last 2 years in the sport. I've always felt this way from the very first year I mula tengok F1... which was many, many, many moons ago. Distinctly recall his "move" against Jacques Villeneuve during one critical race in that season. That was when I formed my view of Schumi...

This article yg di ciplak from itv-f1.com, taken from a book recently published can help explain to those who are unfamiliar with the sport...


One of the defining images of Schumacher's career, which highlighted the flawed nature of his genius, was of course the 'parking incident' at Monaco's Rascasse corner during his final season.

The following excerpt from the book captures the drama of that seismic afternoon and sheds new light on the reaction of Schumacher's rivals – including an extraordinary declaration of intent from Fernando Alonso...

The game is up: only Rascasse corner to go, no chance to make up that amount of time. He’s desperate now. Pole position is vital at Monaco and Fernando Alonso’s going to take it from him.
Michael Schumacher knows how symbolic this is, the younger driver pushing the older one out, just as he had tried to do to Ayrton Senna 12 years earlier.
Not only that, but Mark Webber, Kimi Raikkonen and Giancarlo Fisichella are also threatening his position – he could end up on the second or third row of the grid.
Instinct takes over.
The brakes lock up, blue smoke swirls outwards from the tyres. He turns into the right-hand Rascasse corner oddly, the car skews left and slows, there is a pause, then very gently the car hiccups forward into a stall. The nose stops a few feet from the barriers.
No contact is made, but the marshals are on to it immediately, waving yellow flags to slow the following cars, among them Alonso’s, as they approach Rascasse.
The drivers have no alternative but to back off. Alonso’s lap is ruined, so are Webber’s, Fisichella’s and Raikkonen’s. The qualifying session ends.
Schumacher’s time is fastest. He has pole position, but what price will he pay for winning at all costs?

* * *

In the Monaco pit lane, Alonso’s boss at the Renault team, Flavio Briatore, is raging, seeking out every television crew he can find to cry foul.
“It’s a disgrace,” he thunders. “He is taking everyone for a ride. Someone who is a seven-times world champion wants us to believe that he didn’t do it on purpose? It’s fairyland. It was unsporting and against everything.”
Briatore is not finding too many people who disagree with him.
With the storm brewing over Schumacher’s actions, the press conference would prove to be a must-see event.
In the car taking the drivers to the television interview were Schumacher, Alonso and Webber.
Recalls Webber: “I didn’t think too much about it at the time when I came into Rascasse and saw the car blocking the track. I just pitted, lap done.
“I was in the weighing area and Michael said to me, ‘I can’t believe I’m still on pole’ and he was whooping it up and celebrating with Sabine Kehm, his assistant. He was really excited.
“I started to think, ‘That’s odd, it’s not a great way to get pole, after all.’ It wasn’t all adding up for me.
“We got in the car, Michael, Fernando and I. Fernando was totally pissed off, Michael was happy, putting on this face. The atmosphere was frosty. No one said anything.
“When we arrived, as Michael sprang out of the car and ran up the stairs, Fernando said to me, ‘He stopped on the track deliberately, you know?’ and I said, ‘Fair enough, mate.’
“I hadn’t seen anything on video at this point, but I was thinking that it was bit odd how this was shaping up.”

* * *


The interview started and the first question got straight to the point: “Michael, what happened at Rascasse?”
“I locked up the front wheel and went wide,” answered Schumacher, his face open and untroubled.
Beside him sat Alonso, who maintained a quiet dignity throughout the next half hour or so but whose face wore an unmistakeable mask of darkness and anger.
On the other side of Schumacher was Webber.
Michael continued: “I wasn’t sure what was going on after this because of the positioning of the cars and so on, so I was not aware and in the end I checked with the guys what the situation was, where did we end up, because I didn’t expect to be sitting here right now in this position and they said P1, so I was glad considering what had happened.”
This was not the polished English Schumacher was used to delivering at such moments. His mind was clearly running through a lot of conflicting ideas and thoughts at the same time. He lost his fluency.
He knew all too well what people would be thinking.
Only he knew whether he had parked his car deliberately in the middle of the road to stop Alonso from beating him, but if he had done, he was not about to admit it or to apologise.
That is not Schumacher’s way.
Did the engine stall, he was asked? “No, initially not and I tried to engage reverse but it didn’t engage and I didn’t really want to back up just by myself without knowing what was coming and finally it stalled.
“I need to check why the engine stalled because there was no reason why it should stall, but I think that after a certain time if the engine is running like that, it switches itself off. I guess that is what happened.”
The three drivers then moved to the main media centre for the general press conference. Before them sat 150 journalists.
Schumacher had been in this position countless times in his career, but he never felt comfortable, as he later reflected: “The game with the media was very difficult for me.
“A half-hour press conference stretched me more than a whole race. That’s just not my world. I’m not much of an actor and everyone’s always trying to read things into you. I cannot produce emotions on the touch of a button, I don’t want to.”
And this time he appeared less comfortable than usual.

The first bullet was fired, albeit gently, by Anne Giuntini, the tiny Frenchwoman who has covered F1 for the prestigious French daily sports paper L’Equipe for many years.
In 1996 she had conducted a long interview with Schumacher in which he had opened up more than in practically any other interview he has done.
“I have talked to some drivers who say it is too big, what happened today, to be credible, maybe a bit of a shame if it is true,” she said.
Schumacher looked slightly taken aback, but maintained his calm. “It would be a shame if it is true, absolutely, but I think it is as usual what you do in certain moments. Your enemies believe one thing and the people who support you believe another thing and that is what our sport is all about.”
“It is not a question of friends or enemies, it is a question of sport,” replied Giuntini coldly.
“I explained to you what really happened and if you want to believe this you believe and some people may not believe this but unfortunately this is the world we live in.”
Schumacher was then asked straight out if he had cheated. His face hardened.
“No, and I don’t know why you ask such a bad question. I think it is pretty tough. If you were to drive around here at Monaco you would probably not ask this question.”

Sitting alongside him, Webber noticed a sudden change in Schumacher’s demeanour.
“Michael’s left hand was shaking,” he said. “He wasn’t comfortable at all. At that point you just knew that the glazed face had come over him. He was putting on a show from then on, he looked across at Sabine a few times.
“He was in the hot seat. When it’s all under control it’s slick, but when a few cracks come in then it can go badly wrong with him, then it’s not convincing at all.”
Alonso spoke little during the press conference. He was asked at one point if he thought less of Schumacher because of what had happened.
“I have my opinion and I won’t say it here,” was the curt reply.

* * *

There was no shortage of ‘names’ around the paddock on that Saturday in Monaco, willing to give their opinions.
Most vocal of all was Keke Rosberg, the 1982 world champion, whose son Nico was in his first season of F1. Rosberg was from the flamboyant era of the sport, not in the same league as Schumacher as a driver, but a colourful embodiment of the free spirit which leads men to race cars.
“Does he think we are all fools and idiots?” he fumed.
“It was the cheapest, dirtiest thing I have ever seen in Formula 1. He should leave Formula 1 and go home. I hope he is man enough now to get out of the Grand Prix Drivers’ Association and never mention safety again in his life. He’s a cheap cheat.”
Sir Jackie Stewart, three times a world champion, was more worldly in his appraisal: “It was a very agile mind management job. But it was too blatant. It reflects on him and Ferrari,” he said.

* * *

That night Mark Webber was having dinner with his father and girlfriend in the hotel when Alonso approached their table.
“What are we going to do if Michael doesn’t get a penalty?” asked the Spaniard.
“He’s got to, mate,” replied Webber. “Looking at the footage, it’s ridiculous, they have to do something.”
Alonso wasn’t so sure.
“I want to lie down in front of his car,” said Alonso sternly. “I’m going to pull up on the grid, get out of my car and lie in front of his.”
Knowing Alonso, he would have done exactly that. He felt that he was not just racing against another driver in another team. Like many of the drivers, he felt, rightly or wrongly, that the way the sport appeared to look after Ferrari made the playing field uneven.
It was this same feeling which led Alonso to declare at Monza later that year, “I no longer consider F1 to be a sport,” after Ferrari made a protest against him for blocking their driver, Felipe Massa, during qualifying and the stewards gave him a 10-place grid penalty.
But on this occasion in Monaco Alonso’s fears turned out to be unfounded.

This is why I support the team and not the driver...