please, not yet...

Semalam dah plan dengan Mama... nak pergi kedai tiles and pergi order barang kat kedai tingkap - slider wardrobe - shower screen.

So pagi-pagi (erm... tak lah pagi sangat, hehe) pergi kedai tiles yang Mama selalu pergi. Kat situ ada macam2. Spent about an hour there tapi I still couldn't decide which particular model I nak. Sample cuma ada 1 model... lagi dua sekadar tengok gambar je. I don't know about others, but things like this, I like to see the actual sample rather than just relying on gambar. Sebab kadang2, gambar can be deceiving...

So we went home empty handed...

Balik rumah, masak lunch... dah lama tak ke dapur. As usual, I'm the kitchen helper je. Lepas makan, Papa and Ina pergi rumah Cheras to pasang curtain railings. Abang pagi2 lagi dah keluar... dia kena buat kerja katanya. Amt was still zzzzz... Solat zohor and then terus ajak Mama pergi USJ.

Being a cuti day, traffic was smooth. We reached there in less than 1/2 hour. Semalam dah call dah the shop... dia kata to come after 12 coz dia ada appointment pagi. In the end, dekat pukul 3 baru we all sampai sana. Told him what I wanted, discussed what could be done, minta rough estimate... and gulp! There goes another RMx,xxx... Itu baru rough estimate, dia kata... he can only quote and bagi discount after making a site visit and ukur betul2 tempat yang memerlukan barang2 from his shop. I'm really hoping for a big discount... coz otherwise, that will bust my budget. Arranged for an appointment for him to come over to the house besok. Nasib baik I memang dah plan bercuti on Wednesday...

En route nak balik, we singgah kat BV sekejap. Mama wanted to get something to eat because she couldn't eat lunch tadi. Her pain was becoming more frequent and as a result, she can't eat properly. Betul2 masa nak makan pulak tu, the pain hit. So I thought of Marco's... at least she could try eating lasagna. But seperti before, just as we got the food that we ordered, her pain came back. Makin teruk... I just ate 2-3 suap and terus asked the kedai to pack the food to go.

I'm worried for her... if things persist like this, kena pergi seek alternative treatment. Her pain management regime is obviously not working. It's getting worse... almost macam masa early of the year. Mama wants to try this doctor recommended by her friend who provides a soundwave based treatment dulu. I'm thinking of getting her to do the MRI and consult the neurologist again. Tapi let's try that doctor first.

Last Friday I met up with Peah over lunch... told her about Mama - her pain, what we've done, what the doctor kata. And she pun kata better to meet up with the neurologist jugak. Get the MRI done at a private hospital but get referral to go to HUKM or HKL for the neurologist, since the queue for MRI at public hospital tu panjang. I want to get to the root of the problem but at the same time scared of discovering a more sinister problem. What child wouldn't be... that's the scariest thing for me. I won't even write it down for fear that I might jinx the situation. Nauzubillah... I can't even bear thinking about the *what ifs*.

I often take things for granted. Never really thought about all that. I don't want to think about such a situation. That would be too painful. Even writing about this is making me well up. As each day, hour, minutes, seconds pass... the finality comes nearer. It's inevitable... I know. But I just don't know how I'd cope when it does happen. I really don't think I can...