funnies...

The whole of this week, I come home late from work. And two weeks in a row, I was still at the office @ 9pm on a Friday evening.

Oh well...

During times like these, people who work in organisations like I do are at their busiest. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment to be honest. I really don't know how my bosses, present and past, did it. Gosh... it's so tiring!

But once in a while you get emails sent your way that makes the day better. It is true... Laughter is really the best medicine.

ENJOY!


The Credit Crunch:

A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all these bank closings. If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he said.

George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman brothers His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

In maths there are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas. If you want to trade in derivatives, God bless you.

Whats the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

Whats the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures.

Lehman have changed their recommendation on Lehman from hold to sell.

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, Id have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stabilized.

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS for 2008 and beyond...
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
BROKER -- What my broker has made me
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 pershare
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @$240 per share
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use